My Own Moving Castle

I know I vanished. Recently - during Christmas, if you want a exact definition - I had one of these times when we get enormously sad. Yep, I'm 18, too young and everything, but I kept thinking like all I did until today wasn't worth a thing. Weird thoughts, huh? My diary is a mess: last night, one in the morning, I started writing random stuff, moving from one idea to another.

I... can't explain how is my life right now. I just can say that's I'm terribly bored. And New Year's coming... I have no plans and very few hopes. Always liked New Year... Because it makes me think that something huge is gonna happen soon. That I'll enter college, I'll live by myself, get a job far from my home town.

Live Journal! I had left it completely, I confess it. And I'm just posting again because of this crazy random friend, Nari, that posted a comment. I still don't know how you found me, m'boy... MNI profile? I thought no one opened that page.

I'm trying to live without MNI, by the way. It's impossible... Oh, joy to post and keep waiting for an answer, pressing F5 every now and then...

I just loved this movie! And I need "most ardently" to read the book. I can't believe I took so long to find out about Jane Austen - and to update this journal -. It's such a great story!

The first time I read a few stuff about it, I thought it should carry a lot of chiches. Well, it does! But who doesn't love a well written cliche? Come on, I'm a seventeen year old girl! I mean, I WANT cliches!

The sad part is that I just don't have time to read it now. I'll have to wait until summer - or winter, for you north guys -, when my "sat's" will be ended. They require a lot of books to be read in these exams, to at least I'll have to read some summaries...

I missed here, you know. I didn't coment at anyone's journals and I feel really sorry for that. I just needed to talk to someone about this WONDERFUL movie... And story, and author...

Did Jane Austen write Emma, too? A few time ago I watched a movie called like that, too. About a girl who was always trying to put people together and didn't pay attention to her all emotional life. At least it sounded to me like that, heheh.

Need to find the book... Need to stop the time and read it - in English! I don't trust brazilian translations anymore, since I read Half Blood Prince...

Looks like I posted last in december for mistake!!

Since I don't know how to make it right, pretend it's backdated, ok?

I'm totally medium, check out! ^^

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

So I'm back to roleplaying in the Ravenclaw forums. Most of the time I come to MNI only to post in the Girl's Room.

It's another week full of studying, because I'll have four tests on Saturday... But we're already in September, and if you remember that I'm studying without stopping to breathe since february, you'll agree that it's a long time :P

People are really liking to punch me in karate practice, by the way. I insist on obeying the teacher, when he says not to put any strenght in my blows... Anyway.

I am just SO SORRY for not posting these last weeks. It's not that I didn't have time. Anyone can type a couple of lines just to say they're alive, can't they? And I could have commented in my friends' pages, couldn't I?

I don't know why I didn't do that. I am quite strange. Perhaps it's all about the stress. Perhaps it comes from having to be inteligente, having to be strong and having to be... natural, I think.

I guess it's not about my lack of feelings this time. It's just I'm not very tempted to face myself. Teens are not something you can trust, believe me...

School can be really mad. People underestimate it. Or it's me who isn't tough enough? My friends say I want too much from me, but I don't think so, I am veeeery lazy. I didn't lost the 5 kilos I always wanted to lost, and a guy managed to kick my left hand so it didn't move again for the next half hour - it's got kind of a green shade now... -.

When I created this LJ, my intention wasn't to post thoughtful stuff like this. But I can't avoid it, it wouldn't work out if I started telling you about my days, that have been pretty boring since I gave up of trying to like someone.

I had a good weekend and a good movie to watch tonight(Million Dollar Baby, I loved it). I don't want anyone near me and I don't want to hear that I'll get it - the college stuff, writting stuff, whatever. Do you believe it when people compliment you?

I don't. Even when people tell me I'm good in English. I mean, I wouldn't die all hungry in the US or UK if it depended on telling someone what I needed, but still, I get mad when I turn off the subtitles of the movies and I almost can't get a thing.

Blah, enough bullshit. I doesn't make any sense, so I'm not asking anyone to comment... Thanks for reading anyway...

My MSN nickname today: I'm not fine today.

It takes about two hours since the last person gave up on talking to me. I'm so boring today that so I could stand myself, I sleep during all the afternoon.

I feel tired. Tired of school. Tired of my (fake?) friends. Tired of politics arguing. Tired of trying to be optimistic and suffer from people's jokes. To say I don't support anyone for president and that I don't have a special party.

I am tired of role playing... No one knows me for real...
I'm tired of having to see my friends crazy around me to see me dating someone. I can't like anyone, remember? Nothing they do can change it. I'm tired of having no feelings, by the way. And I can't stand to see bad things in these people that I like. I can't pretend any longer that I like my father just like my mother.

I can't stand to try and organize a great prom party in december. I can't face my friends, and I can't face these dumb guys that only talk to me so they can get to Nádia. It's almost like being rich: you never know if they're talking to you because they care about you, or because they want me to help them with getting around her. Uff!

Hello, folks. I just came here to say that I'm still alive... It's just that I'm in an exams week, and I've really got to study... I shouldn't even be here now, but I felt like posting today.

So, see ya!

Your True Birth Month Is November

Patient Secretive Romantic Inquisitive Trustworthy Determined Hardworking High-spirited High abilities Unpredictable Never give up Sharp thinking Thinks forward Always thinking Motivates oneself Loves to be alone Has a lot of ideas Difficult to fathom Extraordinary ideas Unique and brilliant Brave and generous Well-built and tough Careful and cautious Dynamic in personality Deep love and emotions Uncertain in relationships Honest and keeps secrets Can become good doctors Less talkative but amiable Stubborn and hard-hearted Fine and strong clairvoyance Not able to control emotions Does not appreciates praises Thinks differently from others If there is a will, there is a way Hardly become angry unless provoked Knows how to get secrets out of others

So it was yesterday: my friends and I took a bus to Pirassununga, at 9 pm, and we had LOOOOOOTS of fun!

It's the city fair, so it has a park, a university expo, rodeo (omg, I hate rodeos SO much...) and the show, later.

Titãs is an old rock band; they had a lot of people playing for them; one died, the other now is singing alone, although they're still friends. Their songs are great: they talk about politics, sometimes, and how the leaders love to laugh at us. The vocalist even said yesterday: "It was never that easy! We have the names, we have their photos, we know everything. Do not give your vote to them again! " That was great, really great. There are also love songs, pretty love songs. There's one, Pra Dizer Adeus, (to say farewell).

You've appeared from nothing
And you messed up too much with me
I don't want to be just one more friend
You've never seen me alone
And you've never seen me crying
You can't guess how much

It's too early or too late
To say farewell, to say never...

And so it goes; I translated at the same time I listened to the music here, wow! ^^
There was a war tank there! And the guys let me jump on it! Heheh. I felt so powerful! Great, great moment.
There was this old roaller coaster; my friend and I almost died...Because the belts were free... OMG...!

And there was, after the show, this cute guy that I didn't kiss. He's called Felipe, and that scared me alot. Tell you why: I had dreamed of a guy named Felipe...

Anyway.
That was a great night. With friends, roaller coaster, war tank, titãs and a lot more^^

School started again for me yesterday, as you all may know by this time. Did I explain that in Brazil you've got only three years of High School?

I wonder if we study all the same things, you know. US people have a whole year that we don't... What would I be missing?

For sure the Portuguese classes, but now that I'm so good at it, I don't want them to have an end...

The good thing of being back is that you have the energy to study everything you want. Yesterday I took the Math book and even did some exercises... Although I wasn't able to get most of them right... :/

And today, Biology was my partner. Later I'll try to study some Physics... And if I have the energy yet, Geography. ^^

We have a lot of new books and the first exam that looks like SAT's coming. It's not worth for any college, it's rather a government thing. We call it ENEM, the High School National Exam, if I translate it for you all. If I pass with a good grade in this one, perhaps I'll earn some points when I try to enter the other schools.

Uf!!
Boring chat.
But well, you don't want me to talk about my old fat neighboor that won't let my little dog pass in front of her house, do you?

How Will Your Friends Die? by arshus_ney
Username
Will Choke On A Peach	sseicaj
Will Be Murdered By A Psycho	keriaii
Will Be Eaten By Clowns	gliriolielin
Will Die In The Throes Of Passion	crystallicrain
Will Be Abducted By Aliens	clumsybroom
Will Suffocate In A Corset	keriaii
Will Be Smushed In A Trash Compactor	gliriolielin
Will Be Burned As A Witch	clumsybroom
Will Be Slain By Their Lover	sseicaj
Will Be "Hit" By The Mafia	crystallicrain
Will Discover Immortality	sseicaj
Quiz created with MemeGen!

The thing is, tomorrow I'll go back to school. I'm afraid, I don't know if I'll be able to keep track of all those books and themes and everything... I learned a lot in the first six months, but we never know how much we can stand, do we?

I will try to enter just the hardest college in Brazil, in one of the worst couses: Internacional Relations... I fell in love with it this very year, before it I was only planning to become a translator and languages teacher. I still want to do that, you know, but I think I can do something for people if I take the first course.

I know it's impossible to preview where I'll go. If I can enter UN, if I can work at Greenpeace or anything... I just think there are a lot of things that need to be changed... And if I don't try, who will?

Classes of tomorrow: Portuguese Grammar, Phylosophy, Math. I think so, at least.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Amanda Pavani Fernandes
Birthday:	November 28th
Birthplace:	Santa Cruz das Palmeiras
Current Location:	The same :P
Eye Color:	Black
Hair Color:	Brown
Height:	1,68 meters...
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
The Shoes You Wore Today:	sandals, only.
Your Weakness:	my dog, Lucky :P
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Go to college!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	:P (it's not a phrase, by anyway...)
Thoughts First Waking Up:	More five minutes...
Your Best Physical Feature:	Hair ^^
Your Bedtime:	In vacation, I never sleep before midnight!
Your Most Missed Memory:	A night past year...
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	None. Bob's.
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	none
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate, of course
Cappuccino or Coffee:	coffee!
Do you Smoke:	Nope!
Do you Swear:	sometimes, when I'm REALLY sure
Do you Sing:	When I'm drunk!
Do you Shower Daily:	Of course! Don't you?
Have you Been in Love:	Yep...
Do you want to go to College:	When, tomorrow?
Do you want to get Married:	Huh.... I guess I don't.
Do you belive in yourself:	Nope
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Uh......
Do you think you are Attractive:	Course no!
Are you a Health Freak:	I wish I was....
Do you get along with your Parents:	My Mom, specially.
Do you like Thunderstorms:
Do you play an Instrument:	Nope
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	In the past weekend, by the way
In the past month have you Smoked:	Never
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	never
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	past month... hell yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	this very month!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	box of what?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Nope...
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Hahahahaha you're so funny...
In the past month have you been Dumped:	last month, no... but it will not take long.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	Nope...
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Nope....
Ever been Drunk:	Once!
Ever been called a Tease:	Uh, I guess no.
Ever been Beaten up:	Nope
Ever Shoplifted:	Nope, but sometimes I thought about it.... hahaha
How do you want to Die:	Sick in a warm bed with purple covers.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Writer, diplomat, translator, interpreter....
What country would you most like to Visit:	England, Netherlands, Greece
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Any
Favourite Hair Color:	Blonde......
Short or Long Hair:	short, please. I can't stand long-haired guys anymore.
Height:	Taaaaallll
Weight:	medium, I think
Best Clothing Style:	No style.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	hahahahhaaa you insist on it, huh? Zero!
Number of CDs I own:	Lost the count.... lots!
Number of Piercings:	Zero!
Number of Tattoos:	believe it or not, zero
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	May I talk about that later??
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Tags: test

Okay, guys, so I'm back to karate training. I was telling myself since what? March? That I should start it again. Only because I watched Karate Kid for the third time and missed the moves, the katas... Oh, crap.

I was dead before the training itself started... I'm the only girl there, by the way. A little boy hit me oh my tummy when I was fighting him and the sensei said he should calm down cause he was not fighing a man. I wanted to kill both, sensei and child. I mean, I was some 30 centimeters taller than the kid! I could do anything I wanted, but I've got notion! He didn't have to 'calm down' with me!

Anyway.
My parents and I went to a city called Pirassununga. We bought some clothes and I got a beautiful purple blouse that I'll wear at a rock show in August 5th! The band is called Titãs (Titans) and they really great. Can't wait for it!

Now I'm writing another shortfic, but this one is for a brazilian challenge. It's Ron/Hermione and its name is "Valentine". If it gets good and I get the energy for the job, I'll translate into English for you guys ^^

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

I can't stop!!

You Are An Ash Tree

You are vivacious and impulsive, which makes you extremely attractive to many. Intelligent and demanding, you don't care much for criticism. You have a ton of ambition and talent, and sometimes money rules your heart. You like to play with fate, and you can be very egotistical and restless. Demanding of attention, you need love and a lot of emotional support.

Hey, folks. First of all, a new test:

I took this quiz at eSPIN-the-Bottle: What Animal Are You? and here's what I got: Chimpanzee Take this quiz yourself.

Well. I got that thing right, I'm single again. Although I regret a few things I did after that, I'm okay.

All my friends seemed to find out sad stuff about their boys. Both of them went out with guys and found them horrible... or at least, boring.

I can't stop listening to The Cranberries. I had already listened to "Zombie", but now I found out about more songs... I just loved "I can't be with you", and I don't know why. It may the the voice of the woman... Yeah, I guess so.

I'm feeling weird now... I guess I'll come back later and post something better ^^

I so feel in the mood of changing Pink Floyd's title: he has another brick in the wall, and I have another week in the past.

You know? It's good to have a blog in English; this way I can write anything and almost no one will be able to read this. :P

I am going out with a guy - he's from the next city, if you go a few minutes to the east - and it's been almost two weeks. Did I mention that I can't be for too long with any guy?

I never had a boyfriend! And I don't intend to have. I can't like anyone. How's that possible? If someome treats you well, if he says cute things and if he's loyal, how come I can't like him?

It's always been the same. I will break up with him as soon as I see him, but it's not the first time that happens. There were two or three other ones, only this year! And we're still in July. They seem nice before I go out with them. One, specially, was guite perfect. But I can't like them. I don't have patience to wait and like them in a month or two.

Oh, well.

Yesterday? Nice day. I'm not talking to dad yet - we fought a week ago - but no problem... It's better off this way, I guess.

If there's another guy? Surely there's. But I know I won't like him either, later. :/

Hello!
Today was a good day. I think so, at least.
I woke up and after lunch, I logged in MNI. I just need to be there now!
You know that role play thing? Well, I just got held in that Girls Dorm Thread and I check it every five minutes. I'm writing this right now And I've got another open page in the MNI.

COULD SOMEONE PLEEEEASE TAKE ME TO THE BALL?

Well, as soon as there are no boys who read my journal, I don't need to worry about sounding desperated. I just wanted to go, because I never went to any of these MNI Balls...

I've just gotten home from Nádia's house. There were a lot of friends there and we had a lot of fun. She told us that she missed the second day os exams... That was sad, because she could have done good in the first day.

When I was a kid, I wanted a friend so badly that I didn't have anyone. But well, I was so boring and bossy, that it doesn't surprise me now. Now I've got them... It doesn't seem real! I can see myself in college, crying because I won't be able to find them when I want...

We agreed about going out to drink some wine yesterday. Bill told us he's got a lot of it, because people didn't drink it all at his sister's party on last Saturday.

YAY!
And I wrote a bit more for the James/Lily thing. Way to go, girl! :P

Well, here I am again. I had quite a normal day yesterday. I'm just having so much fun with this journal...
And Krista, I must ask for your forgivement :P
I made that Harry Potter personality test...


Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

I'm Minerva McGonagall! I just wanted people to know that I am NOT organized. That's all the contrary... If you could see my bedroom, you'd believe me.

After I woke up and watched a bit of television, I tried to write a fic for the club challenge. I have to "Portray Lily", in fan fic or fan art. The thing is, I don't know how do draw. Then, the only option is to write a fic. I've got an idea... But it's too hard to do it in English! I mean, I want to put the words in a certain way, but I'm not sure if I can...

I'm missing my friend Nádia a lot. She's at Maringá, somewhere in the state of Paraná, because she's trying to pass the vestibular from there. Vestibular - I always have to explain about it for people of MNI... It's like SAT's... But not quite identical.

I've got two more weeks of vacation, and I haven't done almost anything that I planned. I intended to finish reading "Quincas Borba", a brazilian book from Machado de Assis... And I didn't. I just managed to read "Howl's Moving Castle", but it is dozens of times better than the first one.

I'm still studying Japanese on my own, too. It's getting more and more difficult; I need to ask for some help. Thank God people invented orkut. By the way, if anyone here was a profile there, tell me and I'll add you!

And also, I'm downloading a lot of anime. I know little of it, but I already watched Fruits Basket and Evangelion; now I fell in love with Chobits, and this way we go...
That's it for today. Thank you for coming!